Red Flags We Don't Want to Miss

Let’s talk about red flags—those warning signs we often don’t recognize until much later.

If you’ve ever looked back on a relationship and thought, “How did I not see that?”—you’re not alone. So many women, especially those who love deeply and lead with empathy, have asked themselves the same thing. The truth is, we often miss red flags not because we’re naive or broken, but because we were taught to give grace, to forgive endlessly, to pray harder, and to assume the best in others. These qualities are beautiful, but in the hands of someone emotionally or spiritually manipulative, they can be twisted into chains.

So let’s gently name some of the red flags many of us overlooked—and why they matter.

Emotionally, red flags often show up in the subtle ways we feel small around someone. You might find yourself walking on eggshells, constantly questioning how they’ll react to something you say or do. You might hear apologies, but never see real change. You may feel blamed when you bring up something that hurt you, as if the conversation somehow becomes about your flaws instead of their behavior. Sometimes the relationship moves too fast—wrapped in what feels like “God’s timing”—but underneath, there’s a growing sense of anxiety, not peace.

Spiritually, the red flags can feel even more confusing. Maybe they used Scripture to keep you silent, claiming your resistance meant you lacked forgiveness. Maybe they told you that God had revealed something to them about your future while completely disregarding your voice. Perhaps they labeled your healthy boundaries as rebellion. Over time, you started to feel uncertain about what God’s voice actually sounded like and whether you could still trust your own discernment.

Even in everyday communication, the warning signs begin to pile up. You may notice how they twist your words, bring up past failures to avoid accountability, or tell you you’re being “too sensitive” when you express real pain. You begin to leave most conversations not feeling seen, but feeling smaller, like you’re constantly the one who needs fixing.

If any of this sounds familiar, let me say something clearly: It’s not your fault. You didn’t miss these red flags because you were weak. You missed them because you were hopeful. Because you believed in love. Because your heart was full of faith.

But you don’t have to keep missing them.

Scripture tells us, “The prudent see danger and take refuge, but the simple keep going and pay the penalty” (Proverbs 27:12). That verse isn’t meant to shame us—it’s an invitation to slow down and listen when something doesn’t sit right. When something feels off, you’re allowed to pause. When a relationship demands your silence or submission instead of offering you safety and truth, you are allowed to walk away.

This month in our community, we’re focusing on what it means to live with our eyes wide open. We’ll be sharing stories, learning to spot red flags, and supporting one another as we grow in wisdom, peace, and holy discernment. We’re not just recovering, we’re rising. And we’re doing it together.

If you feel ready to talk about this, I invite you to join the conversation. You’re not alone. You’re not crazy. And you are deeply loved by a God who leads with both truth and tenderness.

What’s one red flag you’ve learned to recognize? I’d love to hear from you.